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September 4, 2025 (Aatik session 7)

• successs two criteria: 1) enjoying what you are doing (doing things you choose to do) and 2) accepted / acknowledged tradeoffs because of the things you are doing (that comes through self honesty).
  • hey im doing this thing but im completely aware that im not doing these other, but im okay with it. with that in mind im still going to do this and im very satisfied with this decisoin. to OWN it.
  • i like that word choose. implies awareness
    • if i take 2 hours
    • pilot vs passenger
    • pilot: deeply understand your course. “not even about being disciplined about being the pilot,” just an added layer of abstraction.
      • instead, just say: why am i doing this. what am i missing out on because im choosinng to do this?
    • hold yourself to the standard: you are not allowed to be the passenger at any time. non-negotiable. you are always the pilot, and you are held to a certain standard at all times.
      • the question NOW BECOMES: why are you choosing to do X, because you are always the pilot
      • owning responsibilities
        • comes wiht questions and understandings
      • this changes the question/framing
        • unecessarily handicapped myself because of askng the wrong question
        • e.g., asking the wrong question (am i looking at my phone?)
    • REALITY HAS NO PROBLEMS (don’t fight against yourself for something that doesn’t even exist)
  • oddly romanticized in david goggins philosophy
  • chossing the right discomfort: why abstain from instagram as the sole purpose
    • TALK TO YOURSELF WITH CURIOISTY AND QUESTIONS
      • e.g., im fillling this whole for external validation
        • there is no problem. if external validation is a thing, and part ofme wants it, what is away i can do it that enables me the most. e.g., joining a team. BUT DON’T FIGHT IT.
        • validation is loaded with so much negative connotation
        • trying to validate my value to society. the way to validate it is Twitter vs. working on a team.
    • FASCINATING is your reaction to that. the reason the shitstorm comes to be is the negative emotions with that being true. so far there is no problem (but the issue is i fight it)
      • all im doing is getting a really intimate undrestanding of how im functioning
  • come to terms with reality.
• chapter of serendipty
  • things that used to feel unproductive / guilty are now what i need to dive into doing more
• aatik philosophy: do not believe in discipline or goals. why would i get in a fight with myself. understand my movement and the movement of the world. radical stance!

August 29, 2025 (Kaiser therapist)

1. I enjoy learning about frameworks like CBT when it comes to treating depression. Walking away from a therapy session having learned something new >>> huggy/feely therapy sessoins.

2. ⭐ Start a mood tracker. Hour to hour score how your mood was between 0 and 10 and what activity you did. Each day/week you can try to up your score by minimizing those that decrease your average score.

3. Outside of medication/physical health treatments, two primary approaches to treatment are:

   1. Behavioral activation: change what you do (rewiring action urges).
   2. Cognitive restructuring: learning to challenge and reframe mood-driven thoughts.

4. CBT: cognitive behavioral therapy. The only thing willpower cannot change directly is feelings. Biological responses, thoughts, and behaviors we can learn to change on will, which can in turn affect feelings.

   

August 22, 2025 (Aatik session 6)

1. There’s a distance between knowing what to do (listening to my body) and the default overriding (overintellectualizing, trying to assert control).
   1. There’s some frustration I need to go through to feel that the override is not working → involuntary letting go. Fuck i its not working, and then going to my feeling. Some things take time.
   2. Letting go = distance is closed. Closing that gap = paying attention.
2. You might never need to be on autopilot at all.
3. Today I pushed back on needing a structured system (when planning for my neuroscience learning)—that’s growth (unheard of two months ago, where I had a deep need to have control). Look at how your relationship with productivity has evolved.

August 12, 2025 (Kaiser therapist)

Two realizations:

1. In my mind I treat “working” in a binary manner: either I’m in this founder grind-mode or I’m relaxing on summer break. This is an unhealthy way to view work. I can spend a few hours a day learning and exploring, and this can be work!
2. I’m afraid